10 Things You Can Do in Lisbon

And here's list of 10 things you can do in Lisbon.

1. Talk loudly. Everyone else does. So must you.
2. Have a row in public. Everyone pretends not to notice. Honest - I've tried it. It's cool.
3. Drink all day. The whole of Lisbon's doing it. Don't be a party pooper.
4. Make as much noise as you like. Indoors *snickers* and out.
5. If a woman, camel toe is acceptable. If you're a man, even more so. And no - I don't bother with this one. Mentioned in case you arrive here and - you know - you don't pay attention to groin fashion.
6. Hawking and spitting. Another thing I don't participate in. I know - I'm letting the side down. Sorry Lisbon. No can do. I'd be too horrified at myself.
7. Get your baps out and sunbathe in Gulbenkian Park. Unofficially of course. Not that the law say anything on their way past. They just look. Making sure there's nothing suspicious about your prone activities I suspect. It's the old widows you've got to watch out for. And tourists with cameras. But apart from that - you're good to air the girls.
8. Park anywhere. Seriously. Even if your car doesn't fit - knock yourself out.
9. You can be totally, utterly happy. Like - laughing out loud enjoying yourself. People like it. Back home, laugh in the street or walk around grinning and you're likely to given a wide birth. Wassup with that UK?
10. You can sit, anywhere you like (avoid the floor though ... that's beggar territory and requires you look like one. If you do ... ) and do - nothing. Like ... totally zip, nada, zilch. Relax, read a book, watch the world go by. No one bothers you, or stares or assumes there's something inherently wrong with your mental health. I do this a lot, in the summer. Mostly in Gulbenkian Park. Though I don't air the girls.

The owners from my café downstairs. They love it when I do nothing at their café. If anything - they encourage me ...