Lisbon parking

Did I ever mention Lisbon parking? No? Well here goes ... Lisbon parking sucks. Big time.

Or rather it's the parkees that suck. Whatever. I doubt I'll ever own a car whilst residing in the city. Because for sure I'd be commando crawling back to it, every time I parked that baby somewhere in the city. In an attempt to catch a Lisboetta attempting to park - or de-park (is that even a word?) - their car.

Where I'm from (the land of perpetual rain, wind and consummate parkees), parking is almost an art form. Unless you're a woman that is. Not that they can't park (I'm one anyway ... ) it's just that most don't seem to want to ...

Anyway, in the UK, ramming your car into a space that is clearly not going to contain the dimensions of an average family vehicle is sooooo not de rigueur. You park your car where it comfortably fits. Period.

A little physics lesson. A quart will not fit into a pint pot. Savvy?

Meaning a Mitsubishi four track will not fit into approximately 6ft of empty space. Neither will a Mini Cooper fit into something you'd struggle to park a shopping cart in. Are you listening Lisbon dwellers?

You cannot park your cars (or at least ... you shouldn't ) in the following places:

• roundabouts (seriously now - this is really wrong)
• junctions
• corners (cars are linear and non-bendy, people)
• pavements
• at the side of a car that is properly parked (that really sucks)
• anywhere that says 'no parking' (there's probably a very good reason you see ... )
• next to me, on the pavement, when I'm trying to enjoy uma bica, se faz favor, at an outdoor café (note I said 'outdoor' and not road eh?)

And no, I don't expect anyone will either read this or even read it and take note but it's the principle. At least I'm trying to create a 'friendly parking' atmosphere in Lisbon.

Yes that's a corner. Note how the car fails to hug bend around it. There's a reason for that ...

In truth, I've developed an unhealthy thing about how people in Lisbon park their cars. Honestly - most need a tin opener to get their cars in and out of some of the non-parking spaces I've seen around the city. Better they use a hiab loader crane than a tin opener too. Or instead, just look for something that simply fits the length and width of their cars.

And I also don't believe there's such a thing as a pristine car anywhere in the city. Or at least - I haven't seen one yet. All are scratched, dented ... abused looking. I watched one women who was, in fact, in a space big enough to park a bus in - smashing her front and back end into the cars flanking hers.

Unbelievably, whilst I stood watching (openly) and slack jawed, she simply battered her way out and drove off. On that occasion I was too dumbstruck to take a photo. And if I'd have been the owner of either of the cars she was bouncing her car off, I'd have lost the will to live.

And probably used my boot on hers.

I think I need to build up a gallery of badly parked cars. I see so many. I simply can't ignore them. I can feel a ... thing coming on ...