Over there, we seem to like building roads that serve only to confound and confuse. Then we dig them up. Repair them. And dig them up just a little bit more. And if that isn't enough, we hugely piss each other off by inserting bus lanes and cycle lanes.
And I know there's bound to be a dedicated pedestrian foot slogger lane down the left hand side of the M25 some time soon.
As for the public transport? It's beyond funny. Beyond a joke. It's beyond ... ridiculous. It's over priced (£2.40 to travel three miles or so with the great unwashed), it's late/misses/turns up when it wants. It's largely filthy. Trust me, jump on the Leeds to *insert anywhere else* train. You just know it's used as a urinal and favourite meeting spot for midnight crawlers.
Our buses break down. They fail to get you anywhere faster than snail miles per hour. Christ I was on one a few years ago that blew up. And we're supposed to be ahead of Portugal when it comes to modern technology and public service infrastructure.
Portugal pisses on the UK. Their buses are modern, air-conditioned (hear me UK - that does not mean they simply open the windows) and hygenic. They're on time and no matter how far you travel on one, it's €1.40 a journey. They never miss, or turn up late.
And the trains here? Superb. The Lisbon metro is fast, effective and economical - €0.80 one way. The standard trains match them in terms of on-time scheduling, speed and effectiveness. And let's not forget the trams. Yep. They've even got trams.
And all this without mentioning the network of taxis. Hail and stop. Cheap as chips. Largely driven by friendly, open, smiling chaps - who talk to you regardless of whether either of you can actually understand the other.
Of course you should avoid Rui José ... forget the rest of his many names. He's a crazy as a coot and swears like a sailor after ten pints of moonshine and a refusal at Betty's Ten Cents A-Jump whorehouse.
The point of this post? If you're coming over for a visit - don't hire a car. Use the Lisbon public transport. It's everything I say it is. And regardless of whether you can speak portuguese or not, you will be able to navigate it.
See you on the metro sometime.
No bus photos. Instead, a random badly parked car. I watched it being parked. It wouldn't fit in lengthways. No matter ...